Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
