I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
