dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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