it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
