Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
