My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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