I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
