so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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