I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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