just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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