I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
