dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
