I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
