just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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