did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
