Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
