The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
