So drunk its hurt
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
