Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
they call him Oral-B. enough said
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
