I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize