feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
