i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
