There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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