Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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