Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
