dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was so not down for the gang bang
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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