Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
