Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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