It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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