Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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