Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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