So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
