I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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