I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
