I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
