What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize