Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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