I wish I could teleport
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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