I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
