so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
