its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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