I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
