I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
