Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
