ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
