i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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