i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Farmville is her only friend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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