ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
