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Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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