Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
