my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
