she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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