We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
