She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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