either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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