I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
