She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
