some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
