i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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