Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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