I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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