So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
