Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
